I feel so good. I’ve gone to the office. I’ve been to AA meetings. I’m pleasant to talk to. I’ve gone to the gym. I can just feel a very large difference. I feel happy again. I feel like a normal human being. I was laughing the other day. I’m talking with my friends again. It’s like night and day.
I’m still not able to get much work done. I think this is my untreated ADD though, and I’ve always thought that I struggle with work because of it. My doctor is scared to treat it because around when I was taking Vyvanse I had my first sober mania. So he’s a little afraid the stimulant triggered it. There’s medication out there that isn’t a stimulant, but getting insurance to cover it is near impossible so he hasn’t even wanted to try. I don’t think my doctor is a big fan of dealing with insurance companies.
I got new insurance this year so I’m eager to see if they will cover the Rexulti as United Health Care did not, but I’m going to ride the free sample train for as long as I can. It’s just worrying me, what if this goes away? I’m a little scared about that. That’s what I do, I worry about everything I can’t control when he said I will be taken care of for a while. What about when that “while” ends, then what? I go back to being crazy depressed again? I’m just a little scared about it.
The AA theme One Day At A Time doesn’t work well for me, I don’t do a very good job practicing it. I try to remember to say it in my head, but I can’t always practice it, so I’m working on it. Progress, not perfection.
I’m a little confused on what type of depression I have. Was this lingering from coming down off of a mania with my bipolar? Is it just my normal depression? What is this. I see him in 2 weeks and I plan to ask.