Those are my options. The treatment for ADHD includes stimulant medicines which put my bi-polar mania in to a crazy state. The non stimulant medicines are not covered by my insurance and I can’t afford them without my insurance, so my doctor basically say; choose which one you want to treat.
My ADHD is driving me crazy lately. I can’t focus. I can’t get shit done. I’m having a hard time understanding things at work. I’m not performing as well as I should at work. I’m getting distracted so easily. I can’t sit still. My mind is everywhere. I’m antsy. I just want some help with it, so it was disappointing to me to hear that he can’t treat it. He says people with both bi-polar and ADHD are hard to treat. There’s a fine line between what works and what sets off the mania and since my last mania phase wound me up in the hospital he won’t risk that and won’t prescribe Vyvanse anymore. I miss it. I want the focus back. I want the energy back. I want the drive it gave me back. I just want it back.
My bi-polar on the other hand seems to be out of whack. I’m having some mood swings that are sending me in to depression lately. I’ve been isolating and lost interest in a lot of things, including AA. I’ve still been going to meetings, but not as many. I don’t have the determination to get to the meetings that I used to have. He made an adjustment to my Gabapentin and lowered the dosage to see if it gets some of the lack of energy to go away. So we’ll see how that goes. I don’t have much faith. I went to bed at 6:30pm last night and woke at 5am just to end my day early because I was so miserable. I feel a bit better today but I’m sick of having bad days. I think with the Vyvanse the bad days would not be so rough, but he just won’t give it to me.
I think I’m a little pissed about his declaration that it’s one or the other. How does one choose between which kind of crazy they want to put up with the most. I’m researching ways to treat bi-polar without medication today. And my therapist wants me to read a book about ADD. I have no interest in doing that. I can’t sit still long enough. Ugh I’m just frustrated with my brain. I want a normal one.