Well. I suited up, and I showed up and I kicked that women’s retreat’s ass! I came so close to not going. My boyfriend had to give me a few encouraging words in the final hours before I was supposed to leave, but I got in my car and drove there. I was almost sick to my stomach with nerves.
The woman that invited me was awesome to me. She greeted me at the door and walked me to my room and introduced me to everyone. I remembered not a single name I was so nervous. And then I ate dinner at the table. I didn’t take it back to my room and hide like I thought I was going to. I actually conversed.
Women in Alcoholics Anonymous are amazing. They approached me and started conversations, they listened, they made me comfortable. I had to share a bed with another woman and she was super kind to me.
I went to bed a little earlier than everyone else. I was mentally exhausted. I slept straight through the night and woke up at 4:30 am and went to the main area and took my journal and did some journaling as the women started waking up. They talked to me, and I talked back. I stayed in that main area until the 10:00 meeting and then I went to the meeting.
Then I got a massage. It was amazing. Then I went back to the main area and socialized a little bit and did some more journaling, and then I got another massage. Yes. 2 messages! It was wonderful. I totally pampered myself. Then I went back to the main area and participated in conversations and got to know some of the ladies and then I went and rode a bike for a few minutes. I actually got on a bike and rode it around. It felt great. I’m a bit out of shape so it didn’t last long, but just the fact that I did it amazed me.
A majority of the women had gone shopping during the day so there weren’t many left in the main area so I just did some more journaling. I wrote a lot. I had a lot to write about with my relationship. I’m so on the fence about that, it’s really causing a lot of stress right now. I wrote pages upon pages, but stopped to socialize when someone would approach me. I didn’t do a lot of approaching.
Then we had dinner and and 8:00 meeting and someone in my break out group had just drank the night before so we did a first step. It was great. I was so impressed she came after just drinking. I’m not sure I would have had the courage to do that. It was inspiring. I didn’t get her contact information, but I wonder how she’s doing.
Then I went to bed. A little early, but I was done for the day. I just kind of wanted to be alone. They stayed up and played Catch Phrase and a little part of me wishes I had stayed up for the fun of that, but oh well.
The next morning I got up really early again and went with my journal and sat in the main area and started greeting people as they came in and socialized. Then we had breakfast and I scooted out before the meeting. I was anxious to get home. I had done my part. I should have stayed for the meeting but I had been up a while and was just anxious to get home. I was a little bored.
I did it though. I suited up, and I showed up, and I participated way more than I thought I would. I didn’t hide in my room like I thought. I actually talked to people. I think I will go again next year. I’m proud of myself.