I’ve been going to a 6:30 am Alcoholics Anonymous meeting for the past few weeks. I’m actually kind of proud that I kept going in the throws of my depression. I have only missed one during the week and I go to different meetings on the weekends. It’s amazing what a difference in my day it makes. I didn’t want to go this morning and almost just laid in bed, but something kept nagging at me saying I needed to go and I’m so glad I did.
It’s like a fresh start to the day. Although the effects of the meeting may wear off by 9:30, for a few hours I have a great start to the day. It kicks it off in a really positive manner, and I just love it. It’s always a nice sized crowd and you hear so much good stuff that it’s impossible to digest it all. Today I heard something great that I actually got my phone out and wrote it down. “I can’t, He Can, Let Him” in regards to steps 1, 2, and 3.
Step 1 = We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol and our lives had become unmanageable = I Can’t
Step 2 = Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity = He Can
Step 3 = Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him = Let Him
I never noticed that part of step 3 was underlined until today. Someone called a 3rd step meeting at my 6:30 am meeting and all we discussed was step 3 and I’ve stared at those steps on the wall for a very long time and never noticed it was underlined. That’s pretty cool. I used to understand God to be a chair because I couldn’t grasp the God thing when I first came in to the program. Then I made my God the meetings, and then an elephant, and then finally just a big invisible thing in the sky that I can look up to and talk to whenever I want.
I’m starting to learn the names of the people at the meeting, and they’re starting to look forward to my attendance. That is something that makes you feel all warm and fuzzy in a way that I just can’t describe. A bunch of strangers who share a commonality looking forward to when you arrive and when you speak makes my heart swell. I’m starting to look forward to what they share. I’m actually not staring at the clock the whole time counting down the minutes until the meeting is over.
I think I’ve found somewhere to call home. I volunteered to chair the Friday meetings. I am a little scared of the commitment but I volunteered anyway. At least I know that every Friday I will be required to be at that meeting. I know it’s good for me, but my lazy side kicks in a little bit and makes me uneasy about my choice. My lazy side is pretty powerful, so I like it a little bit when I can challenge it.
It was my sponsor that made me go to this meeting from the start because I had all kinds of excuses as to why I couldn’t go to the ones in the evening. I’m grateful she made the suggestion.