Medication · Uncategorized

Seeing a little light

I’m not sure what new medication is doing it, but my depression is starting to lift. I feel a little normal again and the suicide thoughts are gone. Once in a blue moon they will creep in my head, but they are for the most part, gone.

I met with my doctor last week and he gave me the option to go on more Lithium and get rid of the Abilify and I asked him to just leave my medicine alone for a month since I’m feeling kind of good for a change. I didn’t want to risk that going away, but I am on so much medication that it would be nice to get rid of some.

I’m eating like a cow. I have gained 4 pounds since I started all this new medication, and that makes me nervous. I’m really aware of my weight and I haven’t been able to stop eating. I did some research on Lithium and Abilify and one of the side effects is weight gain, so I figure if he wants to increase the Lithium and get rid of the Abilify, maybe it’ll help stop the weight gain. I just always think I’m hungry. I’ve always got to be eating. I feel like I’m pregnant again with the appetite I have.

I caught myself singing/dancing in the car the other day which was a sure sign that something is different. My anxiety level has decreased a lot, but I still have some. It’s just not as severe. I’m still depressed, but it’s not as severe and at some points in the day I actually feel in a good mood. It’s the afternoons that I struggle with the most. In theory it seems like my medicine I take at night wears off in the afternoon. That’s what I think anyway, who knows if it’s true.

My boyfriend noticed a difference and said “It’s nice to have you back for a little while”. It’s amazing what he’s put up with. My constant mood swings, and just the blah human being I was in the depressed state I was in. He’s a trooper for sure.

I’m going to visit my best friend next week and I’m hoping that helps get me out of my funk a little bit too, as I’m not sure how far the medicine is supposed to reach, but I still feel in a funk. Like the depression is lingering like a cloud above me and like the real weather, it comes and goes in the cloudy sky. I don’t know if the medicine is supposed to make it go away completely, or if I’m supposed to be responsible for some of the depression lifting, but either way I hope I find the answer.

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