Anxiety

Sunday blues

I spend most of my Sundays anxious that tomorrow is Monday and I have to go back to work. A place where I have so much anxiety about this or that.

My Saturdays are nice, they’re care free and I don’t worry because I still have Sunday off before work, but then Sunday morning hits and it’s automatically doom and gloom because work is lurking in the background for Monday morning.

I wish I could stop doing this. I’d like to enjoy my Sundays. I’d like to wake up and know that I still have the whole day work free, but I don’t. I wake up and immediately think “Oh gosh this is it, this is the last day before I have to go back to work. I have to be up on time. I have to get my body moving out of bed. I have to perform. I have to read my work emails and see what work needs to be done, and then hope my work is good enough. I have to face other people if I go in to the office. I have to meet my deadlines”. All of this runs through my head in a matter of minutes and my Sundays are not fun days.

Saturdays are my only reprieve in the week. It’s the only day where I fully feel like I have the day off from my anxiety regarding work. I love Saturdays.

AA teaches you, One Day At A Time. Well I can’t get that mode of thinking in my head to just enjoy Sunday and not worry about Monday. I just can’t. I try my hardest, and it’ll last for about 15 minutes and then all my worries and fear about work return, and it’s back to wishing that it were still Saturday.

I stay up late trying to make Saturdays last as long as I can. And then Sunday morning hits and I just don’t even want to face the day. I wish I could enjoy my Sundays.

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